Fears and DIscoveries

Ever feel the urge to do a little bit of everything?  You have piles and books of lists of things you want to do, and maybe get around to only about half of them, if that even. 
I think this is something I go through everyday.  Now that I don't have a huge party (aka wedding) to plan, other projects can take priority again.  The problem is (and always is) I have too many projects.
Too many things to draw/paint/illustrate/photograph...
Too many books to read.

Too many movies to watch.
I want to learn Italian (like really learn, and be able to speak it and hold conversations even and now read through my Harry Potter book in Italian).
I want to hike more and go outside/camp more. 
I want to ride my bike more.
I want to eat healthy and exercise.
I want to hang out with my husband (woo!!), friends, and family. 
... you get the point.  The lists are never ending.  And each day they keep getting bigger.  Each day I get more frustrated and tangled because I couldn't do everything I wanted to in one day (who can?!) 

Then people ask me why I haven't done any art lately. When, in some ways I have, but I haven't created full finished pieces.  The answer is I get distracted.  Not only distracted, but excited by so many other things. 
The past year I've really fallen in love with making coffee.  It's an addicting and challenging thing.  So I've bought books so I can learn more. 
I've realized how much I love hiking.  It's one of the easiest "sports" or activities to get involved in now that I am out of school and can do it pretty much anywhere.
I have planned my wedding and attended (and still are attending) many others. 
I moved in with my now husband and have tried to figure out a new lifestyle.  Or how I can actually still keep a similar lifestyle but how different and exciting it is to be able to come home to a best friend every day and love spending every second with them. 
I have done something or gone somewhere just about every weekend since possibly February/March. 

So between never ending lists and events and distractions, I have been slacking a bit.  I have also discovered many other things I want to explore and do.  BUT as always, I have to realize that I am NOT capable of doing all of these things every day.  Everything takes time.  So I take a breath and try to relax.  Did I enjoy my day still? Do I regret how I spent my time? 
It is so easy to get carried away with these huge expectations we make for ourselves. So I try to slow myself down before I forget what is really important. 

Another reason I have been slacking on art- because there is still a small fear in me, and it will probably always be there.  Sometimes it's easier to start something do or learn something different because we don't expect ourselves to be good at it.  We forgive ourselves more for failing. (When we need to start embracing our failures and learn from them!)  There is still that small fear and high expectations we hold for ourselves when we are more knowledgable or experienced.  We need to remember that once we get passed the fear and let go, the rewards can be so great. 

So I slowly work my way towards many goals.  I will succeed in some and fail at others.  But I am coming to terms with that. And that in itself is a big goal.


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