The Start of Something New

Whew.

What a journey. We’ve all been going through so many changes recently, and I feel grateful to want to share these tidbits of the journey I am on. I have been writing for myself more lately, but just like my art, I feel the need to just put it out there eventually. Those who find and read this will be looking for it. And if you finish reading what I am sharing, then hopefully I can pass along some (at the very least) inspiration to you. Maybe you will find something helpful in reading about my struggles and the sparks of muse that flow through my fingers. 

Here is to not just a new year, but to new confidence and charisma that a third decade can bring. 

JANUARY thoughts:

JANUARY 5, 2021

It’s amazing to watch interviews and think, “holy shit these people (often celebrities) have done a little bit of everything! But then I realize that thought is a bit of a high standard. I think because they are famous, they are offered a lot more one-off opportunities to do different things or money to delve into other things they love. Not to say that they’re a master or great at all of those things, but since they are famous we already see them as “great” or on a different level than where we are now. 

—side note wisdom from Will Smith: “No one can give you advice on how to be your best self or what you should do. Sometimes you don’t even know that.

Everyone has a lived experience. Just because you might not be well known doesn’t mean it’s any less valuable. We all have to grow and learn to get somewhere and everyone is on a different journey traveling at different speeds. 

So while this morning might have already been tough and used as an excuse to not move, it’s okay to remember who you are and how you’ve got here. You are still working just as hard to figure out things and that is just as valuable. Opportunities will keep coming as long as you keep working. It’s only when you stop working that opportunity stops knocking. 

Really leaning into the lyrics of Hamilton, but I keep listening to this recently and it’s hitting the spot:

“I’m past patiently waitin’. I’m smashing every expectation, every action’s an act of creation! I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow. For the first time I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow.”

JANUARY 13, 2021

Didn’t end up doing any art or writing yesterday. And it’s still OKAY. I made a decision to be lazy and not do anything. It’s not going to stop my momentum. Maybe I just need a day off every so often. I am NOT a failure for not doing a personal goal 30 days+ in a row. I can ACKNOWLEDGE this and ACCEPT it, and it will be okay. Today is still a new day and look at me now. I’m somewhere in the middle of being very caffeinated and wanting to take a nap and curl up with a book. 

I did some coffee/work related stuff as I move into the new role, sent out some emails, and already caught up on daily stuff.  

It seems like things are slowly coming together as I take in and enjoy the mess on my desk right now...

Looking into some nonprofits for volunteer work... trying to not get overwhelmed and take the research slow. When I go down rabbit holes I feel like I lose my initial interest or reason for searching in the first place and then my eyes and back get tired, my hands cold, and then I’m not productive in anything. 

JANUARY 14, 2021

“Your story isn’t about you” —pepisode (Creative Pep Talk slang for podcast episodes) quote about how important it is that you keep doing you art. 

I definitely need it right now. Feeling tired and just want to go to bed. But I also want to keep going and need some kick today. Got my sweats on and didn’t know where to start tonight so I put on a podcast and thought I would start writing until something came... 

Story about car horn going endlessly so he disconnected it. But how your car horn is there for OTHER’s safety, not [just] yours. 

“Being heard isn’t a luxury, but a matter of survival.”

KEEP TRYING TO BE HEARD. Follow through.

“High-lingual” Art as a higher form of communication. Embracing this can have a huge effect of your creative work.

Art was a bubbling up of saying things we don’t know we need to say? 

Have to get it out and CONNECT. 

~notes taken from the wisdom of Andy J. Pizza

JANUARY 18, 2021

Feeling a bit down from not doing art over the weekend, but also keep forgiving myself and giving myself some space..

JANUARY 21, 2021

A new and fresh start. Definitely feeling the enjoyment of being on the journey today. May have some to do with the Schitt’s Creek finale and watching the sort of behind the scenes special they had. Trying to be myself. Just paint and draw what’s inside me..

Faces

Positivity 

Color

Music and flow

Energy

Regina Spektor - “I will go on standing”

“Use your good paper/your good shit and give yourself a chance. Saving or holding on to something valuable in a ‘safe’ space isn’t helping you. Keeping it locked away, you never get to enjoy it. It never gets to be used. Use that shit!”

Giving my time to people. And maybe when I can’t give my time I can lend my art to be there forever with them. As a reminder that love went into this paint and in turn that love is meant and felt for you... 

Continually wanting to give advice but never knowing what to do or what the right answers are. There are none. Life is fucking hard and we can’t always just turn around and make it instantly better. But to go through the struggle with them, that is why we thrive in communities. 

JANUARY 22, 2021

Do I need to be comfortable to make uncomfortable work? How our environment effects our creativity and vulnerability. How changing my environment has had a big impact. 

JANUARY 24, 2021

The love and passion and joy musicals give me 

with dramatic lighting and silhouettes

Bring up memories of times spent with people close to me

And the emotions I always want to convey through affirmations

When it’s so hard to tell someone how much you love them every single day

The overcoming well of emotions 

that give you joy once they are released

The comfort and warmth that wraps around and protects you

That bubble of love so strong you could start a bonfire